A day in the life of an Indian

While I was going to school today I saw this big billboard saying 'A day in the life of an India'.
Here's how to go through a day in the life of a common Indian-
1.)If you're an Indian it's essential that you know how to fight.You will have to use it atleast once in two weeks if not more.Fighting doesn't necessarily have to be at home or with your friends.The greatest fights happen on the road.You are bound to see atleast one fight everyday.
Essentials of the Great Indian Street Fight-
i.)Start by shoving your opponent.
ii.)Scream loudly one vowel(preferably A).
iii.)Catch your opponent's collar and shake him while muttering something about how he had the guts to do whatever he did.
iv.)Make sure there are enough people.If not then go out of your way to ask the people in the shops nearby how he could do such a thing while explaining the whole story.
v.)If your opponent starts attacking you say that you are going to slap him so hard that he will forget his own name.
vi.)Next start explaining all the sadness in your life to the group of on-lookers and state clearly that the incident that has occurred will leave you broke and that you will not have the money to feed your children(even though this fight may not have anything to do with money)
vii.)When your opponent starts complaining pretend to attack him so that the crowd will hold you back.
viii.)If they don't pray to God for help and slap your opponent.They will surely hold you're opponent back when he tries to kick you.
ix.)Turn around look over you're shoulder and say 'Mar'(meaning slap in bengali and hindi).Then keep muttering rubbish under your breath so that the opponent thinks your abusing him.
x.)People will now start getting bored and they will make your opponent apologize to you.When he does grunt and walk away saying that some God will surely curse him.
Practice above points and you will surely get the hang of it.

2.)Learn Bolllywood dance.More then the dance observe the expressions.
Throw some random steps with your hands flailing from this side to that,your pelvis thrusting and your feet tapping.
Now the expressions.All hand movements in the downward direction have to be accompanied by the biting of the lower lip the squinting of the eyes and the expression of constipation.
All hand movements in the upward direction have to be accompanied by a drooping lower lip and a confused expression.

3.)Appreciate politics.Knowing which party is doing what will be highly helpful in group discussions.Be sure to carry ear plugs;things can get horribly loud.

4.)Know your cricketers.If in case you don't know anyone atleast know Sachin Tendulkar.He is the God of Cricket.Do the needful and brush up your IPL knowledge.

5.)Learn ways to cross the road.Just as your about to cross an empty road a car might just zoom out of nowhere.Beware.

6.)Get ready to go through hours and hours of traffic.Entertain yourself by watching the people on the road.

7.)Learn up the chorus of the current famous Bollywood song.If the verses are not known doesn't matter just repeat the chorus over and over again and then pretend to have forgotten what you were doing a while back.

8.)Have a love for food.VERY VERY IMPORTANT.

9.)Learn how to yawn really loudly while talking.Make sure your words are understandable.

10.)Lastly,be happy with what you're doing.

Proud to be an Indian!!